interview from bubblegum slut may 2003

For the uninitiated then, some introductions please, who are you and what is Smell Your Mum?
Well, the person answering your questions is Z, the sordid mind behind all this and the other half of it all, my partner in grime, is Vikki. What is Smell Your Mum?? All your best Christmases coming at once. It was a slogan that spawned a t-shirt that gave birth to a webshite that is instigating a movement.

How and when did the concept for Smell Your Mum come about and how did you go about putting it into practice?
No concept. It was a typical lightbulb-over-your-head moment. One minute it did not exist, the next, the universe became a better place. It is the annoying brat next door you always swore you would kick the shit out of but never did. It is that dark place of your brain that thinks thoughts it shouldn't before your consciousness denies it ever happened.

What kind of a response did you get when you first set up stall at the Erotica festival etc?
Massive. Huge. Ginormous! The usual response is one of wonderment then either amusement, disgust or both. I have been told on several occasions that the Smell Your Mum logo is the work of genius, and who am I to disagree??

So you just signed a distribution deal for the tees last year, what kind of scale is that on and where are we gonna start seeing them?
Obviously that depends on how many you people buy!! The distributor just did The Edge show in Kensington (alternative fashion show) and they got the usual response - a big crowd of people laughing their asses off! He then took them to Magic in Las Vegas (big clothes show thing) and he's currently in Europe with them. To begin with, we're looking to shift about 1 - 2,000 tees a month through about 80 freak stores up and down the country. If yours doesn't stock them, tell the owner to get in touch with us or miss out!!

Erm, so is true you started from the proceeds of selling used panties on E-bay? Any chance of a line of Smell Your Mum pants in future to commemorate that? The slogans could be great!
Kind of. The selling of used panties on eBay is absolute gospel. I swear on all that is sacred to me that we did that. But, hey, I used to work in the fringes of the porn industry so what do you expect?? Basically, me and Vixx were completely fucking broke. The landlord was threatening to chuck us out, we owed more money that I can count and had no way out. What the fuck could we have done?? We were hungover til 4pm then pissed from 6 through to passing out at 4am! One of those downward spirals so many of us get on and you just have to wait until you hit rock bottom. Then we saw a tv show were girls were selling their used panties for serious cash, it looked like a good idea so we bunged a pair of Vikki's on eBay to see what would happen. Next thing, we sell em for £20! So we did more, set up a little webspace (Britney's Used Panties) and the requests rolled in! The funniest thing was a guy in NYC who was willing to pay more if they were pissed in. So, we bunged em in the bath and I (Z) pissed all over them. He also wanted extra piss so I pissed in a baggy for him too. We sealed all this up and sent it over. This was just after 9/11 so fuck knows what customs made of it!! We got an email from him later saying that he came as soon as he opened it!! Funny as fuck but the easiest £50 we ever made. After a while, all this dug us out of a hole. And, yes, SYM panties cumming soon…

You've branched out into car stickers already - any other products you plan to put the Smell Your Mum name to as yet?
The car stickers were made basically so we could stick them on our own car as a friendly greeting / warning as we drive around. We practise what we preach - most idiots that make offensive t-shirts are missing the point. They're corporate suits and it takes a committee to think of a slogan. Me, it all comes natural and I've been doing it for years. We're thinking of doing hoodies as we keep getting asked. Skateboards too, but only if we can license them. Eventually it will be everything you could possibly need to take you from cradle to grave!! Anyone that wants to get in touch regarding licensing, please do. Especially Durex!! (laughs)

Do you really sell many 'I'm not saying I'm a slag, but my flaps do whistle in a breeze' tees? Do you worry about customers who go for that particular design?
Better believe it!! I'm not sure who's the more fucked up - me for thinking of it or them for buying it!! We've got a great one coming out soon - My Tits Might Be Fake, But At Least My Dick Is Real… I have to meet the people that would wear that! And as for our customers, we love each and every one of the sick fucks!

Has your mother had anything to say about Smell Your Mum yet? If she still speaks to you at all?
Well, when we first got fridge magnets done I stuck one on her freezer but it didn't last long. I think she's just pleased I'm not dead or in jail!! She just pulls a face, smiles a bit and wanders off wondering what she did to deserve this. I think it's coz she dressed me up in girls' clothes when I was a kid and made me live in a fucking wigwam. This is payback time mother! Nah, she's cool about it all. I'm not doing this just to rebel against mummy - she's seen me do worse!

So its not big, its not clever, but everyone seems to be doing them - why do you think there is such a big market for sweary t-shirts? If 'fuck' really even that offensive nowadays or has overuse made it acceptable?
Who says it's not big and clever?? I know this might sound daft, but we don't just put the word fuck on a t-shirt because of shock value. I have no barometer for bad taste so nothing shocks me. A lot of the tees don't have swear words, a lot do. All of them have an element of humour or irony or anger and some are pretty damn clever, if you think about it. I like to test people - their tolerance and their intelligence. I don't need to excuse myself or answer to anyone - but I do enjoy people's reactions to me, Vikki and the shirts. Anyone that gets offended by a swear word really needs to examine why they exist. What is so different between the word 'cunt' and 'can't'? One letter! Yet that one letter will see some people explode with rage. And that wonderful sign of their lack of intelligence is one of the things that makes me get up in the morning. The people that piss me off even more though are those PUSSIES that wear fcuk tops - jesus, get a life! OK, clever marketing and all and, yeah, it was kind of funny for 5 minutes but, next time you see someone wearing one, just look into their eyes… Look at the proud look they have because they think that wearing that shirt puts them on the edge of society… Those motherfuckers need to get a life. Hey, I got a slogan for them, FUCK FCUK. Pussies. Oh, and, yes, swearing is highly acceptable as it is ONLY A WORD.

What inspired the 'fuck me', 'fuck you' tatts on your forearms and when did you get those done?
If you knew me, you wouldn't need to ask that question. I got them nearly 3 years ago.

Could you tell us a bit more about the 'Against Manufactured Pop' petition you've got online - what's the aim with that eventually?
Well, I'm a musician who sees music as an artform. Not an x-y-z formula to making money. I'm open minded and happy for all bands of all types to exist, in equal measure. What I do find detestable is the saturation of manufactured bands that we are in the midst of. The long term damage this could do to the industry is immense. It is a strategy put together by the greedy few for their own personal gain. No artistic merit whatsoever. The musical equivalent of dry riveta. And, the general public buys this shit!! So, I'm just letting people know that there are some people out there that DO give a fuck about music. Most people grumble about things they don't like, do fuck all about it then sit around complaining when it's still around. Us, we like to practise what we preach. Manufactured pop fucking sucks and we're actively doing something about that. At some point, we'll get a fair hearing. Someone's got to do it. Whether you like our sound or not is AOK, but it's our sound. It's not this minute's formula to a #1 hit and every nano-second of it has come from within. It's been written by us, played by us, produced by us, presented by us. And that is simply the way it should be. The eventual aim?? Easy - death to all the Gareth and Will's of this world. I swear, if they were all in the same room, they'd all be stuck together each one accommodating the other, cock to a-hole, cock to a-hole…

It'd be wrong to go without mentioning the band really - who are Spit Like This and why should we be listening to them?
Yes it would. Shame on you for leaving it this late. But we forgive you because you have a cool name. SPIT LIKE THIS is less of a who and more of a what. An attitude. A way of life. It also happens to be the name the music we produce goes under. It sums up everything that we are and everything that we do. It is also completely unlike anything you ever heard before, yet strangely familiar and comforting. Like a stripper's tit. Imagine the musical equivalent of a Tarantino movie. There's loads of references to the past but done in an exciting, new way. It's also the king of cool. XFM recently stated that we had invented a new genre, which we have. Spit Like This music for Spit Like This people. If you've read this far, like what you read, find your pulse racing and your brain activating, you'll love it. You're one of us. And the real question is, why shouldn't you be listening to us... 

And finally, if you were me writing this questionnaire what would you ask yourself and what would your answer be?
Simple. Will I still answer these questions for you when I'm rich and famous and the answer would be…YES!!

Thanks for your fucking time!

© 2003 bubblegum slut

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